Congrats, you got that hottie’s number! Now, are you ready to get your flirt on in a series of over-thought, awkward and uncomfortable text messages?
Welcome to courtship in the digital age. It comes equipped with miscommunications, social faux-pas and attempts to divine your future prospects through emoji couplings.
But texting with your crush can be made fun (or at least tolerable) if you do it right. Just bring the flirty back by following these tried and true do’s and don’ts.
Do include fun photos with your messages.
A picture’s worth a thousand words. So instead of sending a thousand words, just send a pic, ya freak.
Don’t send those kinds of photos.
Photos are good. Photos of genitalia are not good.
Do make jokes. Funny is sexy.
Feel free to make jokes funnier than that one.
Don’t finish every text with “hahaha,” “hehe” or “lol.” This is NOT sexy.
Are you really laughing out loud? If you were with your crush in person, would you laugh at the end of every sentence? No. No you would not.
Do ditch gender rules.
A woman’s fingers are just as dexterous as a man’s… when it comes to sending the first text message. Get over gender-based nonsense already. It’s 2014.
Don’t follow the “3-Day Rule” or anything like it.
If you pull the “3-Day Rule” on us, we will delete you from our phones. If you take exactly double the time we took to reply, we will find you and throw our phones at you.
Do have fun with emojis.
Emojis are adorable in moderation. Mix it up!
Don’t have TOO much fun with emojis.
Wait, now you look like a child.
Do break the radio silence.
Even if you haven’t talked in a while it’s okay to reach out. Start up a convo.
Don’t send a ton of texts before getting one back.
Cool your jets, kiddo.
Do be direct.
We understand the desire to feel things out, but it saves everybody time and stress when you spell out what you want.
Don’t get into serious conversation territory.
The German word “Fremdscham” doesn’t have an English equivalent, but it roughly translates to “embarrassment on somebody else’s behalf.” Think about that.
Do provide compelling insight into the human condition.
WHAT’S THE DEAL WITH AIRPLANE FOOD?!
Don’t pretend to be something you’re not.
Good advice for both SMS and IRL. It’s going to come out eventually that you can’t tell the difference between a touchdown and a field goal.
Do know the difference between “their,” “they’re” and “there.”
Don’t overdo the !!!!!
Are you really that excited? Is what you’re saying really worthy of exclaiming? Please ask yourself these questions.
Do be a normal person.
Your life isn’t perfect. Neither is your crush’s. It’s OK to have an off day.
Don’t talk incessantly about your workout.
Unless your crush is your trainer, there is absolutely no need to provide a play-by-play of your gym routine. Being fit is cool and all, but let your fitness speak for itself.
Do ask questions to keep the convo going.
Answering every question with one sentence and a period doesn’t communicate “I am cool and aloof.” It screams “I am uninterested and self-absorbed.”
Don’t type something and not send it.
Especially if you know that ellipsis will show up on your crush’s phone. This is a surefire way to drive somebody crazy.
BUT NO. 1 MOST IMPORTANT RULE IS always remain chill (or distract yourself accordingly).
Remember to keep things in perspective. Try not to read into every little detail. Don’t freak out. And if worst comes to worst, defer to “Candy Crush” instead of your real crush. Because crushes come and go, but dignity is forever.